Possibly Maybe Unexpectedly: thoughts

Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts

Friday, July 27, 2012

Choice...Reason...Purpose

After how many months I never thought I’d be writing something like what I am about to share in this post. Yes, it’s been quite a long time and I have so many things I want to share; yet I find myself in front of my laptop, at two in the morning, typing these words...

What I’m trying to say is at this moment, I know exactly what I want…

Quote of the Week


Quote by Dolly Gonzales

It’s Fun to be Fun! On Becoming, Places, and the New Philippine Tourism Slogan

We are responsible in making our identity

It’s the people that make the place…

I totally forgot where I first heard this but after watching DOT Secretary Ramon Jimenez Jr. last night explain about the new tourism slogan, this phrase popped in my head.

ON TO 2012—THANK YOU 2011!

Let's meet the 2012 with happiness in our hearts!

I don’t want to end 2011 without my year-end post, especially since I didn’t get to write a blog post last Christmas due to the power interruptions. But since that has passed and the present is more important, here I am, writing what I call my leap-of-faith article.

What Success Is...

Define SUCCESS...

It may be getting a promotion

Being able to travel more

Or finally getting fame…and fortune…

Then again, for some, fortune is enough….

Let’s admit, almost everyone defines and acknowledges success to the amount they have stashed away in the bank. With money you can buy anything you want, go anywhere you want, and even be your own boss. Other than this you can even help every person who comes to you for it and provide for your family’s needs and wants…. When you’re able to do this you end up happy because you’re “successful”… But what if no matter how much work you do—even with the six figure salary you get each month—you still find yourself unsuccessful…

When Things Go Out of Control...

Listen....

I was supposed to write something about iphone app development but I ended up writing this blog post instead. Recently a certain blogger’s awards event happened in Legazpi. I may not have been a part of it but some friends were and they won (CONGRATULATIONS!!!). I’m happy for them and I have no regrets if I haven’t posted my link (this blog post) earlier for the possibility of it being nominated. I was still fixing this blog – from the contents to its layout (and layout’s next). As a graduate of an IT course and as the blog’s owner I felt it was but right that I do the tweaking myself. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to do it for months. But enough about this blog (or when would it get finally done); I just want to point out something….

Things are meant to happen for a reason…

Morning Walk

The already risen sun

I love my early morning walks; although I haven't done much of it recently, I’ll definitely do it again! When I started doing it I was only limited to our yard, but with the terrain I can't help worrying about tripping over--in other words I DON'T ENJOY IT! Good thing my sister finally took me to the pier to do some walks.

Wishing I can update this blog more....

I know I haven't updated my blog for a month and how I wish I could more. Anyways, here's an update of what's been going on with me lately..

I've been attending class (it's not raining anymore)

I've gone to Legazpi (since my last December 28 visit)

I've gone back to Pidru's Resto (and discovered how full and good and cheap their carbonara is)

and attended a seminar The Art of teaching (and wrote something about it).

I can't say I've been really loaded but compared to the previous years, let's admit that at this point I should have at least that tiny bit of time to update my post--so why didn't I...?

Blogging and My Thoughts

Finally....Finally....Finally....

After more than a month....Finally!!!!

I miss BLOGGING! It's been a while and I really really miss this. It's been a while and in that span of time a lot has happened (even if it means me just staying home).

Although I wasn't writing, I was still visiting my blog. Unfortunately, in as much as I wanted to write whatever I was experiencing, work and school was always getting in the way. Not that those can stop me, it was just that I don't want to break the momentum I had with work and I have always considered this blog as a leisure. I love writing and this is a proof of it. I wanted to become a writer when I was young...Be like Ate Ophie and have my short stories or poems published in a Women's Magazine. At present, I am a writer, but not the type of writer I was planning on...but I must admit this "occupation" has definitely made me a better writer.

My Free Time, Schooling, and Dreams...

People ask : Where have you been?

I answered : Working....

They ask again : Where...and what did you do....?

I replied : I became a writer and I taught college (math and logic circuits)...

Then they say (nodding) : Ah!

I get a lot of these lately: the nods, the questions, and of course the are-you-sure looks (as if I am not so sure of what I'm saying). It's been a while since I last entered the steps of my Alma Matter, and honestly--in as much as I am pleased to be back--I can't help but question other people's sincerity when they talk to me, or see me, walking along the corridors (and the surprise looks whenever I'd climb the stairs).

My Winning Piece: Never Fails To Give Me A WARM Smile!!!

Be the Change...

Last May 2009, I got call from a company that I sent an application too. Actually this company was the first I applied to without any back-up person/s within its premise (and imagine I got a call from them). It was as if DESTINY had really planned for me to be there....

Memory From The Past: Reposting Of My Last Article From My Aemilian Column UNSHACKLED

July 2010: Me and my friend Erika were in the DJ’s booth waiting to go on air. As we did this we chatted in between tips on entertaining our listeners’ messages and modulating voice. To help me calm my nerves (I was a newbie on the booth), our topic shifted to my writing job, our days as school paper staffer, and that one article she read back in college that she liked very much…

Walking Home

*this is something I wrote earlier this evening as I came back from school....

I am, at last, home only to find myself waiting outside our house for the rest of my family to arrive...

I came home pretty late today...

Earlier in Aemilianum, as my instructor called the assigned reporter to start (class started at 3pm), my sister sent me a text message informing me of the traffic building up at downtown. People have gathered in the streets to watch the street dance – a part of the Sosogon Festivities.

My class was only until 4pm. Since Prof. Ed. 9 is my only class during weekdays, I usually come in fifteen minutes before class and leave immediately after it. Today, however, due to the parade, I had to stay another hour in school, hoping that by then traffic would be back to normal.

The "hour more" was spent wisely conversing with Ms. Pacla regarding the novel I was working on (another story to tell) and spending time with my dear girls from Jardin. By past 5 pm I started out the doors of Aemilianum and luckily got a tricycle ride with the driver suggesting to bring me straight to my destination instead of going to downtown for the second ride home (downtown's traffic seems to be slow due to the parade and the rain--which happened during that hour of wait i did).

I spent that hour wisely. I had a chance to talk with Ms. Pacla regarding the novel I was working on; and also bond with my girls from Jardin de Maria. By past 5pm I started to walk out the doors of my alma matter and got lucky to get a tricycle ride which offered to bring me straight to my destination (traffic was still slow at downtown).

The tricycle stopped at the end of the paved road. From there I started walking my way towards home. I call it adventure.

There were more houses on the way compared to when we first came here; just imagine how it was further ahead…where we built our house. I finally came at the turn where the gate to our compound is. This is the part where I needed to be extra careful, not because it was rocky but because of the grass. They’ve already grown after a month since they were last trimmed. But even then I still pray that no snake would jump at me from nowhere. There were only a few steps and our unfinished second floor was already within sight.

Between being careful with my steps, praying that I won’t trip, and sweat forming on my forehead, the realization that no one might be home yet hit me. We all did go out at the same time and surely traffic isn’t going any faster in downtown. I don’t have the key to the door and there’s no way I was going to walk back all that way especially since I just passed by the area where they once found a snake. So I still went on. Just then a certain scent filled the atmosphere.

I knew that scent well.

My mom’s perfume….

My mom was with me…

I know some may find it weird but I said hi. Ever since she died we always had this feeling that she’s with us especially when that scent came strong. None of us used that perfume. As an Ilocano tradition we sent it with her – a pabaon.

The scent faded as soon as I entered our gate. I found the lights outside were on but (as expected) the windows closed.

Now I sit here…And between thoughts of wanting to break the doors, planning to have my own set of keys, and wishing I had brought with me a bottle of insect repellent, I write these lines:

   I miss my mom!

           I miss her everyday.....

               and God is good.....

                   He allowed her to keep watch of us.....

   and He allowed us to have her as our

Mother.....

God's kindness was shining on us....

He gave me that warning from my sister so as to not get tied up in that messy traffic...

He gave me that extra time to talk to friends to make my dream a reality...

And there was my mom...

Now my thoughts wandered off to my laptop inside and my need to type what I just wrote in this scratch paper. But just like TIME, CHANCES, and SERENDIPITY, all I can do is wait and hope that the next footsteps I hear (the sound coming louder) are those of my loved ones with the key to the door.....

Photo by Gil Sages

Friday, November 26, 2010

First Attempt: For the Love of Haiku...

It started with a comment...then came the suggestion...

This is my first attempt for a haiku not to mention in Japanese Calligraphy. Thanks to the Midnight Writer and Sir Ben I found another interest to study (and I hope there will be a follow-up with this one) -- and a good tattoo design I wish to have (but take note in Henna since I can't imagine myself growing old with ink on my skin hehe). Comments and suggestions are welcome and are very much appreciated. I do hope I did good here (although this is not the traditional one). But in case there are indeed some correction then I'll gladly revise this one (and once I get to figure out how to write it in traditional jap calligraphy)...hehe...

猫は 9つの命を持つ...
cats having nine lives...
好奇心...
curiosity...
リスクを取って...
taking risk...
とチャンスを取って相次いを与えられている...
taking chances and being given one after another...
学習...
learning...
失って...
losing...
優勝...
winning...
信仰...
faith...
声に出して考えて...
thinking out loud...
可能性を考えて...
thinking of the possibilities...
モノづくりが起こる...
making things happen
類似...
analogies...
すごい！（ちょうどアイデア）
wow! (just ideas)

*I would like to thank Google Translate for the help after being confused (this is my first to deal with Jap calligraphy) with translating….

Finding ME Again....

I missed me....and I'm starting to come back...

the past few weeks were somewhat enlightening. It seems as if time was revealing something that was already there right in front of me (actually instead of "revealing" I was thinking more of "slapping")--the answers to my long asked question. Time is indeed an ally....

I've finally decided to move on--from all the frustrations that made me lose confidence in myself. For years I've become somewhat a stranger to myself. It is only recently that I realized how I became a totally different person than who I was back then. It was true that pretending too much that you are someone (which I did to fit in the place I was in and please someone) will really make you that type of person ('till now--I realized how much I have degraded myself in the process). I needed to go back to who I was to correct my mistakes and to fully grow. It may take some time but at present all I can do is make a step.

sadness was filling me up all these years. Maybe that was the reason why I never had any suitors (at least sane ones). I always ended up attracting the wrong sorts of guys (I mean those who thought they can get the chance to prove their manhood through having "dinner and breakfast"--the "and" part was what I was worried about).

My brother (Jay) was right--if I want to catch the guy (with the qualities I was praying for), then I better start by making myself the girl that would equal him... God will give me someone perfect for me and in time He will...but I have to do my part and not just pray...

I was lonely though never alone but honestly changing my self back and better than before wasn't due to me not having that "someone"... It's all about loving myself. I realized that by being happy and loving me more then I may attract a lot of great things in life.

I need to move on from being broken...

...move on from being a kid...

Everything does happen for a reason...and this one is for me to learn that God made each of us special--and we should be grateful about it...

Friday, October 22, 2010

A Memory...Time...Acceptance and Letting Go... (part II)

Heal was the first...many followed....

Wanting to Get Over

I feel you...even if you're not there
and even you're with someone else
I still feel you loving me

I see you, in the corners of this lonely room
even though there's nothing here but gloom
hoping that someday you'll fill it too

refrain:

Would I be happy, if you decided to stay?
Should I feel sorry, for loving you this way?

chorus:

my eyes are dry from crying all those tears,
feeling sorry for the love I felt all these years,
but i have to let go
knowing you're heart's here no more
wanting to get over you
is the hardest thing to do.

In your arms, I felt magic of a love so strong
now there's nothing left for me to do
but to move on and face the truth

And it's hard, to mend pieces of a broken heart
but I know I'm gonna make it through
knowing I'm giving my best to forget you

refrain 2
Should I feel wiser, knowing I've done what's right?
Should I feel stronger, now that I'm saying goodbye?

chorus:

my eyes are dry from crying all those tears,
feeling sorry for the love I felt all these years,
but i have to let go
knowing you're heart's here no more
wanting to get over you
is the hardest thing to do.

A Memory...Time...Acceptance and Letting Go...

It's been a while....

I've been trying write something for this blog but the words can't seem to get out. A lot of things had happened that one may consider somewhat exciting. I'm still writing (that's something no one can dare take away), been a DJ, had sleep, got out for fun, and taught college students for their Algebra: in other words I had loads of stuff to do that boredom was "getting bored" of waiting for his turn...

I was completely busy....

And I was completely not thinking about him...

I had other things to worry about....until this week...
In the middle of computing grades, fixing articles. helping a friend with her project in MIT, thinking about taking MIT next semester, and wishing to play Rohan with a friend, the thought came back....

It's been years...the way I feel may not be the same as before whenever I see his pictures, yet the memories--I may not be holding them or maybe I'm just cherishing them so much--remind me of how I was hurt.

Accepting was hard yet it reminds us of how love should be given...UNSELFISHLY...Love is wise after all. Man was the only one foolish. He was my darkness and in time he let me shine bright--he made me light and he made me see another light from a distance (hope)....

For a memory that I love...
For the time that taught me well...
and for accepting the fact that at times the only way to say you love a person is by letting go....

Below is a song I composed with my sister. I was in my last year of college then and in the middle of making the project documentation for a digital scoreboard, I ended up writing this. It became famous among the high school students of ACI when my sister sang it on stage. She was in her third year of high school when she gave the melody. Up 'til now her classmates know the song's chorus....this is HEAL...

Heal

I
In every place I see your face smiling at me
I hear your voice sing with the wind calming my every chill
It's late at night and I feel sorry
for myself 'cause I know you're not here....

********
Now I look at the sky
wishing and hoping that somehow you'd come my way again
'Cause I just can't deny how much I love you
How I want you to stay
******

II
For every touch as I quiver feeling all the love
The gladness that lingers deep sending me high up above
I'm here again
praying for what wasn't there

********
Now I look at the sky
wishing and hoping that somehow you'd come my way again
'Cause I just can't deny how much I love you
How I want you to stay
******

How many sad songs must I hear to realize that you're not for me?
How may times do I have to face everyday without you near?

********
Now I look at the sky
wishing and hoping that somehow you'd come my way again
'Cause I just can't deny how much I love you
How I want you to stay
******

'Cause I'm here now
here without you
holing on to my faith
that my heart would heal someday....

This was the first of many songs....and its been a while 'till I was able to make again....

yup, it has been a while....

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Waiting...

I saw this poem while checking out "My Sassy Girl", the Korean version, in the internet. Reading it somehow reminded me of how much we wait for something to come back, hoping that it would ease the pain we felt brought by the emptiness of them not being there. But what if it didn't come back? are you still willing to wait for it? 

God works in so many mysterious ways that what we somehow thought as we already know actually has more to unfold--at times they are just right under our noses, we're just too foolish looking afar rather than looking close by. 

Waiting for something to come back may sometimes fool us. we keep on waiting for something familiar rather than expecting the unexpected. Things change but as we accept things no matter how painful they may be it is then that we realize that what what we waited for did come back only in a new form. cheers to happiness...

I'm waiting for the sky
to be blue again
I'm waiting for the smile
to come back again

Sometimes things are not
the way you planned
Sometimes they go wrong,
sometimes you can't stand...

The voice of the wind
tells me it is within
The roar of the air
gives me strength in despair

Oh, the sound of the trees
can make you fly off your feet
But the sound of silence
can make you see...

An angel of hope, can you see again?
The journey of life, can you live again?
A city of glory, can you feel again?
It's the spirit of love, can you love again?

Thursday, April 8, 2010

one step at a time

I really have no idea as to how I'll deal with the future. I've noticed that whenever I make plans for it, it usually ends up not as what I want. Organizing things at times seem to have been a waste of my time and effort especially when some sudden changes are needed to be made to cope up with the present situation--unexpected situations....

I will be living on my own next week and I honestly feel ambivalent about it. Firstly It's my first time, secondly I'll miss my dad, thirdly he'll be able to see more of the farm (someone's doing something fishy that production seemed to have been meddled wrongly), and lastly it's the mark that I am an adult (we'll I am however I grew up very well protected).

The last time I saw Clarissa I saw the worry on her face when I told her I have to climb the stairs to the third floor for my work. another worry factor was when I added the fact that I'll be moving and living in Legazpi on my own. My friends are not used to leaving me on my own. Out side my home they are my family's extension; they've protected me through and through.

I have plans but I've learned to expect the unexpected. Things don't usually come up the way we wished them to be. At first we may take the worst of it but at the long run we learn to accept it and see the beauty blossoming.

(sigh) I am worried and excited... and I know I can survive it. God is my light and His staff is my forstress...

Here's a toast to new beginnings and a new adventure....

Cheers....

Friday, March 12, 2010

Taking Chances

there are times that we have to let go of something in order to gain more. it may hurt us in the process yet these are opportunities for us to grow and be the best person that we can be. moving forward may mean trekking the unknown but how will we find out the things ahead if we are not going to venture on? life may be unpredictable and chances are things may happen differently than what we wanted--then again things happen for a reason. it may be tough at times but lessons are learned more. Bravery is one trait measured by how we face reality yet hold on to our dreams.

taking chances at times are what's best...taking chances to love, to grow, and to tread the waters and see how vast the ocean is.....

actually i'm just gonna share a song by Celine Dion. A toast to moving on and taking chances....

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