Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Memory From The Past: Reposting Of My Last Article From My Aemilian Column UNSHACKLED
July 2010: Me and my friend Erika were
in the DJ’s booth waiting to go on air. As we did this we chatted in between
tips on entertaining our listeners’ messages and modulating voice. To help me
calm my nerves (I was a newbie on the booth), our topic shifted to my writing
job, our days as school paper staffer, and that one article she read back in
college that she liked very much…
Walking Home
I am, at last, home only to find myself waiting
outside our house for the rest of my family to arrive...
I came home pretty late today...
Earlier in Aemilianum, as my instructor called the
assigned reporter to start (class started at 3pm), my sister sent me a text
message informing me of the traffic building up at downtown. People have
gathered in the streets to watch the street dance – a part of the Sosogon
Festivities.
My class was only until 4pm. Since Prof. Ed. 9 is my only class during
weekdays, I usually come in fifteen minutes before class and leave immediately
after it. Today, however, due to the parade, I had to stay another hour in
school, hoping that by then traffic would be back to normal.
The "hour more" was spent wisely
conversing with Ms. Pacla regarding the novel I was working on (another story
to tell) and spending time with my dear girls from Jardin. By past 5 pm I
started out the doors of Aemilianum and luckily got a tricycle ride with the
driver suggesting to bring me straight to my destination instead of going to
downtown for the second ride home (downtown's traffic seems to be slow due to
the parade and the rain--which happened during that hour of wait i did).
I spent that hour wisely. I had a chance to talk with
Ms. Pacla regarding the novel I was working on; and also bond with my girls
from Jardin de Maria. By past 5pm I started to walk out the doors of my alma
matter and got lucky to get a tricycle ride which offered to bring me straight
to my destination (traffic was still slow at downtown).
The tricycle stopped at the end of the paved
road. From there I started walking my way towards home. I call it adventure.
There were more houses on the way compared to
when we first came here; just imagine how it was further ahead…where we built
our house. I finally came at the turn
where the gate to our compound is. This is the part where I needed to be extra
careful, not because it was rocky but because of the grass. They’ve already
grown after a month since they were last trimmed. But even then I still pray
that no snake would jump at me from nowhere. There were only a few steps and
our unfinished second floor was already within sight.
Between being careful with my steps, praying that
I won’t trip, and sweat forming on my forehead, the realization that no one might
be home yet hit me. We all did go out at the same time and surely traffic isn’t
going any faster in downtown. I don’t have the key to the door and there’s no
way I was going to walk back all that way especially since I just passed by the
area where they once found a snake. So I still went on. Just then a certain
scent filled the atmosphere.
I knew that scent well.
My mom’s perfume….
My mom was with me…
I know some may find it weird but I said hi. Ever since she died we always had
this feeling that she’s with us especially when that scent came strong. None of
us used that perfume. As an Ilocano tradition we sent it with her – a pabaon.
The scent faded as soon as I entered our gate. I
found the lights outside were on but (as expected) the windows closed.
Now I sit here…And between thoughts of wanting to
break the doors, planning to have my own set of keys, and wishing I had brought
with me a bottle of insect repellent, I write these lines:
I miss my mom!
I miss her everyday.....and God is good.....He allowed her to keep watch of us.....and He allowed us to have her as ourMother.....
God's kindness was shining on us....
He gave me that warning from my sister so as to
not get tied up in that messy traffic...
He gave me that extra time to talk to friends to
make my dream a reality...
And there was my mom...
Now my thoughts wandered off to my laptop inside
and my need to type what I just wrote in this scratch paper. But just like
TIME, CHANCES, and SERENDIPITY, all I can do is wait and hope that the next footsteps
I hear (the sound coming louder) are those of my loved ones with the key to the
door.....
Photo
by Gil Sages
Friday, November 26, 2010
First Attempt: For the Love of Haiku...
It started with a comment...then came the suggestion...
This is my first attempt for a haiku not to mention in Japanese Calligraphy. Thanks to the Midnight Writer and Sir Ben I found another interest to study (and I hope there will be a follow-up with this one) -- and a good tattoo design I wish to have (but take note in Henna since I can't imagine myself growing old with ink on my skin hehe). Comments and suggestions are welcome and are very much appreciated. I do hope I did good here (although this is not the traditional one). But in case there are indeed some correction then I'll gladly revise this one (and once I get to figure out how to write it in traditional jap calligraphy)...hehe...
This is my first attempt for a haiku not to mention in Japanese Calligraphy. Thanks to the Midnight Writer and Sir Ben I found another interest to study (and I hope there will be a follow-up with this one) -- and a good tattoo design I wish to have (but take note in Henna since I can't imagine myself growing old with ink on my skin hehe). Comments and suggestions are welcome and are very much appreciated. I do hope I did good here (although this is not the traditional one). But in case there are indeed some correction then I'll gladly revise this one (and once I get to figure out how to write it in traditional jap calligraphy)...hehe...
猫 は 9つの 命 を 持 つ...
cats having nine lives...
好 奇 心...
curiosity...
リ ス ク を 取 っ て...
taking risk...
と チ ャ ン ス を 取 っ て 相 次 い を 与 え ら れ て い る...
taking chances and being given one after another...
学 習...
learning...
失 っ て...
losing...
優 勝...
winning...
信 仰...
faith...
声 に 出 し て 考 え て...
thinking out loud...
可 能 性 を 考 え て...
thinking of the possibilities...
モ ノ づ く り が 起 こ る...
making things happen
類 似...
analogies...
す ご い ！ （ち ょ う ど ア イ デ ア）
wow! (just ideas)
cats having nine lives...
好 奇 心...
curiosity...
リ ス ク を 取 っ て...
taking risk...
と チ ャ ン ス を 取 っ て 相 次 い を 与 え ら れ て い る...
taking chances and being given one after another...
学 習...
learning...
失 っ て...
losing...
優 勝...
winning...
信 仰...
faith...
声 に 出 し て 考 え て...
thinking out loud...
可 能 性 を 考 え て...
thinking of the possibilities...
モ ノ づ く り が 起 こ る...
making things happen
類 似...
analogies...
す ご い ！ （ち ょ う ど ア イ デ ア）
wow! (just ideas)
*I would like to thank Google Translate for the help after being confused (this is my first to deal with Jap calligraphy) with translating….
Finding ME Again....
the past few weeks were somewhat enlightening. It seems as if time was revealing something that was already there right in front of me (actually instead of "revealing" I was thinking more of "slapping")--the answers to my long asked question. Time is indeed an ally....
I've finally decided to move on--from all the frustrations that made me lose confidence in myself. For years I've become somewhat a stranger to myself. It is only recently that I realized how I became a totally different person than who I was back then. It was true that pretending too much that you are someone (which I did to fit in the place I was in and please someone) will really make you that type of person ('till now--I realized how much I have degraded myself in the process). I needed to go back to who I was to correct my mistakes and to fully grow. It may take some time but at present all I can do is make a step.
sadness was filling me up all these years. Maybe that was the reason why I never had any suitors (at least sane ones). I always ended up attracting the wrong sorts of guys (I mean those who thought they can get the chance to prove their manhood through having "dinner and breakfast"--the "and" part was what I was worried about).
My brother (Jay) was right--if I want to catch the guy (with the qualities I was praying for), then I better start by making myself the girl that would equal him... God will give me someone perfect for me and in time He will...but I have to do my part and not just pray...
I was lonely though never alone but honestly changing my self back and better than before wasn't due to me not having that "someone"... It's all about loving myself. I realized that by being happy and loving me more then I may attract a lot of great things in life.
I need to move on from being broken...
...move on from being a kid...
Everything does happen for a reason...and this one is for me to learn that God made each of us special--and we should be grateful about it...
Friday, October 22, 2010
A Memory...Time...Acceptance and Letting Go... (part II)
Heal was the first...many followed....
Wanting to Get Over
I feel you...even if you're not there
and even you're with someone else
I still feel you loving me
I see you, in the corners of this lonely room
even though there's nothing here but gloom
hoping that someday you'll fill it too
refrain:
Would I be happy, if you decided to stay?
Should I feel sorry, for loving you this way?
chorus:
my eyes are dry from crying all those tears,
feeling sorry for the love I felt all these years,
but i have to let go
knowing you're heart's here no more
wanting to get over you
is the hardest thing to do.
In your arms, I felt magic of a love so strong
now there's nothing left for me to do
but to move on and face the truth
And it's hard, to mend pieces of a broken heart
but I know I'm gonna make it through
knowing I'm giving my best to forget you
refrain 2
Should I feel wiser, knowing I've done what's right?
Should I feel stronger, now that I'm saying goodbye?
chorus:
my eyes are dry from crying all those tears,
feeling sorry for the love I felt all these years,
but i have to let go
knowing you're heart's here no more
wanting to get over you
is the hardest thing to do.
and even you're with someone else
I still feel you loving me
I see you, in the corners of this lonely room
even though there's nothing here but gloom
hoping that someday you'll fill it too
refrain:
Would I be happy, if you decided to stay?
Should I feel sorry, for loving you this way?
chorus:
my eyes are dry from crying all those tears,
feeling sorry for the love I felt all these years,
but i have to let go
knowing you're heart's here no more
wanting to get over you
is the hardest thing to do.
In your arms, I felt magic of a love so strong
now there's nothing left for me to do
but to move on and face the truth
And it's hard, to mend pieces of a broken heart
but I know I'm gonna make it through
knowing I'm giving my best to forget you
refrain 2
Should I feel wiser, knowing I've done what's right?
Should I feel stronger, now that I'm saying goodbye?
chorus:
my eyes are dry from crying all those tears,
feeling sorry for the love I felt all these years,
but i have to let go
knowing you're heart's here no more
wanting to get over you
is the hardest thing to do.
A Memory...Time...Acceptance and Letting Go...
It's been a while....
I've been trying write something for this blog but the words can't seem to get out. A lot of things had happened that one may consider somewhat exciting. I'm still writing (that's something no one can dare take away), been a DJ, had sleep, got out for fun, and taught college students for their Algebra: in other words I had loads of stuff to do that boredom was "getting bored" of waiting for his turn...
I was completely busy....
And I was completely not thinking about him...
I had other things to worry about....until this week...
In the middle of computing grades, fixing articles. helping a friend with her project in MIT, thinking about taking MIT next semester, and wishing to play Rohan with a friend, the thought came back....
It's been years...the way I feel may not be the same as before whenever I see his pictures, yet the memories--I may not be holding them or maybe I'm just cherishing them so much--remind me of how I was hurt.
Accepting was hard yet it reminds us of how love should be given...UNSELFISHLY...Love is wise after all. Man was the only one foolish. He was my darkness and in time he let me shine bright--he made me light and he made me see another light from a distance (hope)....
For a memory that I love...
For the time that taught me well...
and for accepting the fact that at times the only way to say you love a person is by letting go....
I've been trying write something for this blog but the words can't seem to get out. A lot of things had happened that one may consider somewhat exciting. I'm still writing (that's something no one can dare take away), been a DJ, had sleep, got out for fun, and taught college students for their Algebra: in other words I had loads of stuff to do that boredom was "getting bored" of waiting for his turn...
I was completely busy....
And I was completely not thinking about him...
I had other things to worry about....until this week...
In the middle of computing grades, fixing articles. helping a friend with her project in MIT, thinking about taking MIT next semester, and wishing to play Rohan with a friend, the thought came back....
It's been years...the way I feel may not be the same as before whenever I see his pictures, yet the memories--I may not be holding them or maybe I'm just cherishing them so much--remind me of how I was hurt.
Accepting was hard yet it reminds us of how love should be given...UNSELFISHLY...Love is wise after all. Man was the only one foolish. He was my darkness and in time he let me shine bright--he made me light and he made me see another light from a distance (hope)....
For a memory that I love...
For the time that taught me well...
and for accepting the fact that at times the only way to say you love a person is by letting go....
Below is a song I composed with my sister. I was in my last year of college then and in the middle of making the project documentation for a digital scoreboard, I ended up writing this. It became famous among the high school students of ACI when my sister sang it on stage. She was in her third year of high school when she gave the melody. Up 'til now her classmates know the song's chorus....this is HEAL...
Heal
I
In every place I see your face smiling at me
I hear your voice sing with the wind calming my every chill
It's late at night and I feel sorry
for myself 'cause I know you're not here....
********
Now I look at the sky
wishing and hoping that somehow you'd come my way again
'Cause I just can't deny how much I love you
How I want you to stay
******
II
For every touch as I quiver feeling all the love
The gladness that lingers deep sending me high up above
I'm here again
praying for what wasn't there
********
Now I look at the sky
wishing and hoping that somehow you'd come my way again
'Cause I just can't deny how much I love you
How I want you to stay
******
How many sad songs must I hear to realize that you're not for me?
How may times do I have to face everyday without you near?
********
Now I look at the sky
wishing and hoping that somehow you'd come my way again
'Cause I just can't deny how much I love you
How I want you to stay
******
'Cause I'm here now
here without you
holing on to my faith
that my heart would heal someday....
This was the first of many songs....and its been a while 'till I was able to make again....
yup, it has been a while....
I
In every place I see your face smiling at me
I hear your voice sing with the wind calming my every chill
It's late at night and I feel sorry
for myself 'cause I know you're not here....
********
Now I look at the sky
wishing and hoping that somehow you'd come my way again
'Cause I just can't deny how much I love you
How I want you to stay
******
II
For every touch as I quiver feeling all the love
The gladness that lingers deep sending me high up above
I'm here again
praying for what wasn't there
********
Now I look at the sky
wishing and hoping that somehow you'd come my way again
'Cause I just can't deny how much I love you
How I want you to stay
******
How many sad songs must I hear to realize that you're not for me?
How may times do I have to face everyday without you near?
********
Now I look at the sky
wishing and hoping that somehow you'd come my way again
'Cause I just can't deny how much I love you
How I want you to stay
******
'Cause I'm here now
here without you
holing on to my faith
that my heart would heal someday....
This was the first of many songs....and its been a while 'till I was able to make again....
yup, it has been a while....
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Waiting...
I saw this poem while checking out "My Sassy Girl", the Korean version, in the internet. Reading it somehow reminded me of how much we wait for something to come back, hoping that it would ease the pain we felt brought by the emptiness of them not being there. But what if it didn't come back? are you still willing to wait for it?
God works in so many mysterious ways that what we somehow thought as we already know actually has more to unfold--at times they are just right under our noses, we're just too foolish looking afar rather than looking close by.
Waiting for something to come back may sometimes fool us. we keep on waiting for something familiar rather than expecting the unexpected. Things change but as we accept things no matter how painful they may be it is then that we realize that what what we waited for did come back only in a new form. cheers to happiness...
I'm waiting for the sky
to be blue again
I'm waiting for the smile
to come back again
Sometimes things are not
the way you planned
Sometimes they go wrong,
sometimes you can't stand...
The voice of the wind
tells me it is within
The roar of the air
gives me strength in despair
Oh, the sound of the trees
can make you fly off your feet
But the sound of silence
can make you see...
An angel of hope, can you see again?
The journey of life, can you live again?
A city of glory, can you feel again?
It's the spirit of love, can you love again?
to be blue again
I'm waiting for the smile
to come back again
Sometimes things are not
the way you planned
Sometimes they go wrong,
sometimes you can't stand...
The voice of the wind
tells me it is within
The roar of the air
gives me strength in despair
Oh, the sound of the trees
can make you fly off your feet
But the sound of silence
can make you see...
An angel of hope, can you see again?
The journey of life, can you live again?
A city of glory, can you feel again?
It's the spirit of love, can you love again?
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