Possibly Maybe Unexpectedly

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Blogging and My Thoughts

Finally....Finally....Finally....

After more than a month....Finally!!!!

I miss BLOGGING! It's been a while and I really really miss this. It's been a while and in that span of time a lot has happened (even if it means me just staying home).

Although I wasn't writing, I was still visiting my blog. Unfortunately, in as much as I wanted to write whatever I was experiencing, work and school was always getting in the way. Not that those can stop me, it was just that I don't want to break the momentum I had with work and I have always considered this blog as a leisure. I love writing and this is a proof of it. I wanted to become a writer when I was young...Be like Ate Ophie and have my short stories or poems published in a Women's Magazine. At present, I am a writer, but not the type of writer I was planning on...but I must admit this "occupation" has definitely made me a better writer.

My Free Time, Schooling, and Dreams...

People ask : Where have you been?

I answered : Working....

They ask again : Where...and what did you do....?

I replied : I became a writer and I taught college (math and logic circuits)...

Then they say (nodding) : Ah!

I get a lot of these lately: the nods, the questions, and of course the are-you-sure looks (as if I am not so sure of what I'm saying). It's been a while since I last entered the steps of my Alma Matter, and honestly--in as much as I am pleased to be back--I can't help but question other people's sincerity when they talk to me, or see me, walking along the corridors (and the surprise looks whenever I'd climb the stairs).

My Winning Piece: Never Fails To Give Me A WARM Smile!!!

Be the Change...

Last May 2009, I got call from a company that I sent an application too. Actually this company was the first I applied to without any back-up person/s within its premise (and imagine I got a call from them). It was as if DESTINY had really planned for me to be there....

Memory From The Past: Reposting Of My Last Article From My Aemilian Column UNSHACKLED

July 2010: Me and my friend Erika were in the DJ’s booth waiting to go on air. As we did this we chatted in between tips on entertaining our listeners’ messages and modulating voice. To help me calm my nerves (I was a newbie on the booth), our topic shifted to my writing job, our days as school paper staffer, and that one article she read back in college that she liked very much…

Walking Home

*this is something I wrote earlier this evening as I came back from school....

I am, at last, home only to find myself waiting outside our house for the rest of my family to arrive...

I came home pretty late today...

Earlier in Aemilianum, as my instructor called the assigned reporter to start (class started at 3pm), my sister sent me a text message informing me of the traffic building up at downtown. People have gathered in the streets to watch the street dance – a part of the Sosogon Festivities.

My class was only until 4pm. Since Prof. Ed. 9 is my only class during weekdays, I usually come in fifteen minutes before class and leave immediately after it. Today, however, due to the parade, I had to stay another hour in school, hoping that by then traffic would be back to normal.

The "hour more" was spent wisely conversing with Ms. Pacla regarding the novel I was working on (another story to tell) and spending time with my dear girls from Jardin. By past 5 pm I started out the doors of Aemilianum and luckily got a tricycle ride with the driver suggesting to bring me straight to my destination instead of going to downtown for the second ride home (downtown's traffic seems to be slow due to the parade and the rain--which happened during that hour of wait i did).

I spent that hour wisely. I had a chance to talk with Ms. Pacla regarding the novel I was working on; and also bond with my girls from Jardin de Maria. By past 5pm I started to walk out the doors of my alma matter and got lucky to get a tricycle ride which offered to bring me straight to my destination (traffic was still slow at downtown).

The tricycle stopped at the end of the paved road. From there I started walking my way towards home. I call it adventure.

There were more houses on the way compared to when we first came here; just imagine how it was further ahead…where we built our house. I finally came at the turn where the gate to our compound is. This is the part where I needed to be extra careful, not because it was rocky but because of the grass. They’ve already grown after a month since they were last trimmed. But even then I still pray that no snake would jump at me from nowhere. There were only a few steps and our unfinished second floor was already within sight.

Between being careful with my steps, praying that I won’t trip, and sweat forming on my forehead, the realization that no one might be home yet hit me. We all did go out at the same time and surely traffic isn’t going any faster in downtown. I don’t have the key to the door and there’s no way I was going to walk back all that way especially since I just passed by the area where they once found a snake. So I still went on. Just then a certain scent filled the atmosphere.

I knew that scent well.

My mom’s perfume….

My mom was with me…

I know some may find it weird but I said hi. Ever since she died we always had this feeling that she’s with us especially when that scent came strong. None of us used that perfume. As an Ilocano tradition we sent it with her – a pabaon.

The scent faded as soon as I entered our gate. I found the lights outside were on but (as expected) the windows closed.

Now I sit here…And between thoughts of wanting to break the doors, planning to have my own set of keys, and wishing I had brought with me a bottle of insect repellent, I write these lines:

   I miss my mom!

           I miss her everyday.....

               and God is good.....

                   He allowed her to keep watch of us.....

   and He allowed us to have her as our

Mother.....

God's kindness was shining on us....

He gave me that warning from my sister so as to not get tied up in that messy traffic...

He gave me that extra time to talk to friends to make my dream a reality...

And there was my mom...

Now my thoughts wandered off to my laptop inside and my need to type what I just wrote in this scratch paper. But just like TIME, CHANCES, and SERENDIPITY, all I can do is wait and hope that the next footsteps I hear (the sound coming louder) are those of my loved ones with the key to the door.....

Photo by Gil Sages

Friday, November 26, 2010

First Attempt: For the Love of Haiku...

It started with a comment...then came the suggestion...

This is my first attempt for a haiku not to mention in Japanese Calligraphy. Thanks to the Midnight Writer and Sir Ben I found another interest to study (and I hope there will be a follow-up with this one) -- and a good tattoo design I wish to have (but take note in Henna since I can't imagine myself growing old with ink on my skin hehe). Comments and suggestions are welcome and are very much appreciated. I do hope I did good here (although this is not the traditional one). But in case there are indeed some correction then I'll gladly revise this one (and once I get to figure out how to write it in traditional jap calligraphy)...hehe...

猫は 9つの命を持つ...
cats having nine lives...
好奇心...
curiosity...
リスクを取って...
taking risk...
とチャンスを取って相次いを与えられている...
taking chances and being given one after another...
学習...
learning...
失って...
losing...
優勝...
winning...
信仰...
faith...
声に出して考えて...
thinking out loud...
可能性を考えて...
thinking of the possibilities...
モノづくりが起こる...
making things happen
類似...
analogies...
すごい！（ちょうどアイデア）
wow! (just ideas)

*I would like to thank Google Translate for the help after being confused (this is my first to deal with Jap calligraphy) with translating….

Finding ME Again....

I missed me....and I'm starting to come back...

the past few weeks were somewhat enlightening. It seems as if time was revealing something that was already there right in front of me (actually instead of "revealing" I was thinking more of "slapping")--the answers to my long asked question. Time is indeed an ally....

I've finally decided to move on--from all the frustrations that made me lose confidence in myself. For years I've become somewhat a stranger to myself. It is only recently that I realized how I became a totally different person than who I was back then. It was true that pretending too much that you are someone (which I did to fit in the place I was in and please someone) will really make you that type of person ('till now--I realized how much I have degraded myself in the process). I needed to go back to who I was to correct my mistakes and to fully grow. It may take some time but at present all I can do is make a step.

sadness was filling me up all these years. Maybe that was the reason why I never had any suitors (at least sane ones). I always ended up attracting the wrong sorts of guys (I mean those who thought they can get the chance to prove their manhood through having "dinner and breakfast"--the "and" part was what I was worried about).

My brother (Jay) was right--if I want to catch the guy (with the qualities I was praying for), then I better start by making myself the girl that would equal him... God will give me someone perfect for me and in time He will...but I have to do my part and not just pray...

I was lonely though never alone but honestly changing my self back and better than before wasn't due to me not having that "someone"... It's all about loving myself. I realized that by being happy and loving me more then I may attract a lot of great things in life.

I need to move on from being broken...

...move on from being a kid...

Everything does happen for a reason...and this one is for me to learn that God made each of us special--and we should be grateful about it...

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